STOP (and happy birthday)

I want to push the pause button and tell the universe to stop, or at least slow down.

My baby turned two today and I am scared that I will all of a sudden wake up ten years from now and realize that all three of my girls are tweens and teens. They are so heartbreakingly cute right now that I want to slow down and take my time enjoying them.

I guess turning forty made me really deeply realize how fleeting every stage is. Better late than never, and I am so happy and so lucky that I still have one baby to really enjoy in the toddler stage.

I mean, I did enjoy the other two too, but now it's more deeply felt as I've realized my own age and limitations. Why are we so impatient when we're younger?

I am really re-thinking this aging thing...and going through this summer's mini-midlife-crisis now seems like a very necessary thing as it forced me to think this through and grow up. I never enjoyed my life and its little everyday moments this much when I was younger. I lived for the highlights then. Now I want to enjoy the trip too, not only destination.. I want to be present and aware, and appreciative and grateful for the good I have. I'm getting so much better at that, and am much happier as a result.

Happy Birthday my precious child! Thank you for being in my life and giving us so much love and happiness.
Oh, and by the way, the next time you have a melt-down, I promise to take a deep breath and remember how you say "Aiti, I waw you" out of the blue, making my heart skip. You and your sisters are my everything.