Child Care

There are so many books about how to raise a child, from the recent hit Bringing Up Bebe, to the old staple Dr. Spock's, and I have read my fair share of them. Even though all of us parent in our own unique way that feels right to us and our kids, it's still good to read these books as they give you food for thought. Parenting is a tough business and there's definitely a lot of anxiety - I mean, you are responsible of someone's health and well being, state of mind, and making sure they grow up to be not only smart, beautiful and successful, but also happy and content. Talk about pressure! From one stage to another, there are things you need to learn, and each child is different, so even though you can use some of your parenting experience with the second and third child, you will still face unique challenges given that each of your children is a unique individual blessed with their own specific character, health issues, social ability, etc. And even though the nature vs. nurture science has shown that parenting and environment mostly affects about 50% of the child's development, no self respecting parent will give up and say that since they can't really affect their child's development that much then what's the point even trying. Instead, most of us parents spend sleepless nights worrying about how we are spoiling the future of our children, and what we can do to ensure that they can grow up in the best possible environment, with the best possible care. Which brings me to my main point... The care. The care that you don't provide yourself.

I have been the care-hirer for ten years now, and I can tell you that I've learned a lot about people during that time. Mostly I have had good experiences, but, as with everything, it's the bad ones that stick out... During this time I've learned a lot about myself too. Like that I am not a good judge of someone's character, at least not based on one or two interviews. My first impressions are not very accurate. I also really try to avoid conflict, which can back fire and lead to a bigger problem later. Sometimes it's best to nip something in the bud. I'd rather stay a little distant, and not get really involved. Especially if a person has some personal issues, I find it exhausting and stressful if I have to know about them. I don't tell my boss about the big fight I had with my husband, and I don't really want to know about the nanny's boyfriend problems either. But when the person is working in your home, and possibly also living there, the line between employer, friend, workplace, home and family gets blurred. I treat everyone as an equal, and am not a very bossy boss, but I expect you to pull your weight and have some enthusiasm for what you are doing. Or at least fake some enthusiasm. So if a person seems to have no interest in their job, or are not doing the things that I am asking them to do, don't be surprised if I will find someone else who will.

But it is also amazing to see, how each nanny has a different effect on the children. They learn something different from everyone, and not by design, but just by reacting to the caretaker's personality and character. It's a great learning experience for the kids to learn to get along with different people.

As a mother, it is sometimes painful to let go of the control and trust that someone else can care for your kids as well as you do. Even though they may do things differently. You need to "read" your kids and see if they feel happy and balanced. It is important to know though, when different is no good. You should always listen to your gut instincts, and act quickly if something does not feel right. There are so many horror stories of crazy nannies killing children, but it doesn't need to be anything that drastic or even visible. It can be just little things as not being kind, or playing mind games, or just using your power in a wrong way, being mean. I've had to fire a piano teacher because she was clearly unbalanced, and I have also let go a nanny who had such major issues in her personal life that she could not focus on the job at hand.

When hiring a nanny, a big thing to ask is whether she/he is projecting the kind of image (and I'm not talking about looks here) that you would want your kids to emulate, because, like it or not, all adults in our children's lives are role models to them, especially the person that they spend most of their time with when you're not there. Other questions to ask are whether this a person that is physically active, interested in the world, creative, kind, has a sense of humor and a real interest in getting to know your children.